Beatrice's Ballot

WARNING: THIS STORY MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME VIEWERS

I get a text today. It's 2 weeks before my birthday. I get ready to go about my day when all of a sudden I get a text message from Beatrice. Beatrice has been my friend for ten years.

Diez. Dix. One zero.

We have been through thick and thin and have persevered through all of it.

For context, I haven't spoken to Beatrice in over a year. (Since my last birthday) Now i get a text from her.

Right.

Anyways, the text goes like this: "Hey Stacia, I read your page and would like to say I'm sorry. I handled things wrong and ruined our friendship. Whenever you feel like, we should meet up and talk!

Thank you for the Happy Mother's Day."

Now I see where she was a good human to apologize and recognize her wrong, but I see these things as this. You apologize, we move on or reconcile. I personally was considering the reconciliation until I was faced with the question: Are you over the things that have happened between you both?

Now I know it’s my chance to speak my piece. I have told her how I felt before, but not in this way. This was a moment of reflection to how I handled every situation we faced.

Did I make mistakes? Hell yeah. Do I try to learn from them? Mostly.

But the thing that hurts me the most was not the yelling, nor the ignoring, nor the sadness felt. It was the fact that I looked for this friend for comfort and she was there... to a certain extent. I was hurt cause i felt like I couldn't talk to her. She was either aloof because we had 1 of many arguments, she was either uncomfortable to talk about it, or having the overwhelming fear of losing a close friend. So, to leave things be, I never really spoke about it with her. I just took her back.

My response:" I appreciate you apologizing to me and hearing about your son. However, I still feel hurt by what you've done. (Blah blah things you did that hurt, blah blah) I consider you as my sister.” I talk about more things done, talk about how hurt I have been with her coming back into my life just to do the same thing. Then I say, "I forgive you for what you did and I appreciate your apology."I was not thinking much of it.

Suddenly, the volcano errupts slowly.

She texts: "I am not coming back into your life to do anything bad. I just wanted to apologize to get this behind us. You went through things and so did I. I appreciate the things you've done for me. (Blah blah blah, didn't wanna do that, not my fault.) It was wrong but I did all i could do."

Then it gets interesting.

"I've done some things and I apologized for them. My actions showed better, BUT you've done things to me too. I let it go cause we were best friends. I've gotten over it but I don't think you have.”

Let's pause for a second.

I agree that since we were best friends, I should just let it go and forgive her. But this was WAY beyond tiny things to let go. These were serious things that broke us apart. And they KEPT HAPPENING.

Now, as a lesson I realize I should not give these people my energy. I am only writing this to give an example of how people think that the things they do don't have consequences. You can’t expect me to be Honkey Doree with you if you've made it clear that you haven't learn from your mistakes. The mistakes don't just get exused once, twice, thrice and so on.

These are numerous times of the same things that are uncomfortable to me, causing said separation. We separated about 6 times and came back together. I was at my wit’s end.

So I wrote this poem of words that I think was well enough said.

I wrote:

“It is a lot of nerve coming from you to ask me to do something for you (around my birthday). Which, regardless if you forgot or not is in a few weeks. I would have definitely checked up on you. But did you or anyone else check on me to see if i was alive(...)No. I appreciate the courtesy of texting me after hearing or reading my [podcast], but my position still stands. They only want you when you're of use to them. That's why I do it. To warn and talk about people like you who give their whole ass to kiss when shits sweet for them but when in trouble, they call you. I want no part in it and if you were trying to make peace, you did a shotty job at it. If you had given me something to work with to apologize I would most definitely. Not to point fingers as the fingers are not on you. I tried my best to be there and be a friend, a coworker, a buddy, someone to talk to. And you chose to stop talking as your way of getting back at me. I'm not 19 anymore. Shit doesn't work on me.”

Let's unpack this.

I didn't have to say it like that, but I was tired of being told "I'm sorry" for something and then doing the same thing you just said you didn't mean. I don't get that.

(DISCLAIMER: BY NO MEANS AM I SAYING IM NOT/NEVER WRONG WHEN I AM)

I want to be transparent because I wish I had an older sister to share wisdom with. I understand that not everyone is exacly like me, thus it's bound to happen that we bump heads. But it was the not talking for months at a time, feeling like you have to tread lightly to avoid alot of problems, and lies and deceit happening once a year.

So to reiterate, I am on no ways perfect. I make mistakes and would love if people would be real enough to tell me what I did wrong. I have MANY flaws, and I have no problem pointing them out. All i pray is that I am not being a hypocrite and would like to apologize to whoever I have hurt as a friend. I also appreciate the time spent with said friend and the kind things she's done. But I can't keep playing charades, man. It's tiring TBH.

In summary: Don't keep friends that drain your joy with their words and or actions. Love yourself first before giving people your time and energy. Time also shouldn't be an excuse to keep them either. The story of Beatrice is one of many, but I believe she will find peace one day. No malice behind my intentions at all. I hope she's doing well for herself. And hopefully you all will too see that those people just need to be left alone to their own devices. Try and let people go that don't contribute to your happiness.

I hope this article didn't offend you and I'm glad you stayed. Thank you so much for hearing my story and I'll see you next week.

Stay Great!✨️

-Stacia💗

*she wanted me to do a project for her as well

No Money, No Problems

Are you living right now? If you answered yes then, congratulations! you made it another day.

If you said no, you're like me, and I'm glad you're here.

Like many people have seen over the past few years, it's kind of been hard to keep a level head in today's society. Violence is happening, so much hurt is in the world. Pain and suffering make us question everything that is right and wrong.

How can wee have peace, loyalty and joy in this world of turmoil? It can make you question about your own life. Why are you living? what is living? Is it like when you wake up everyday for work, or study for school? I think we could look on a bigger plane than that.

See, life is just a bunch of existing, but wouldn't existing be just living our lives?

Many studies have shown that most animals do not have the same cognitive abilities as human to develop complex thought, but still develop affection, empathy and so on. So when they live, they are doing what nature intended to keep the cycle moving for their species.

But what is life for them? We've all seen A Bug's Life once or a million times. If you haven't... WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?! Do you live in some dark cave? C'mon! Go pick up a movie from your local Blockbust-

Oh. That just hurt my soul a little.

One second while I clean the dirt from my eyes.

Anyways, A Bugs Life entails what life would be from the perspective of a bug(obviously) They act like humans do, getting food and having fun with family and friends. Except for that one grasshopper guy. We saw what, satirically, a life would be like for a bug. But how about this. Do we look at it from "Uh, it's just a Pixar movie that was made to look like a conventional comedy, only with bugs."? Or do you say, "Well maybe they have a family and work hard to feed them."?

Except for lantern flies. Pesky b*st*rds.

We tend to look at things from our own lenses, but do we even attempt to look at it different?

Rich people (mostly nepo babies), have you ever wondered what it would be like to eat a gas station pizza for dinner? Or what it would be like to sleep in a twin, old spring bed in a cramped room?

It can be considered juvenile at first , but it's what some people actually go through because they can't afford the similar luxuries. You're probably not accustomed to waking up early for school so that you could drive to the cafeteria to get breakfast for free. Or knowing what it's like to go to the dollar store and get those bags of knock off cereal for those plastic straw bowls.

Don't think I forgot about the lesser fortunate. Of course there are 2 types of people: People that know that they're broke and admit it, and people that know that they're broke and don't admit it.

I will never say that I'm poor, just broke. The constant need for money and the work thereof is exactly what drives us to thrive in today's economy. Prices are up and climbing and so are our pissed off meters. We are so stressed about everything being so damn expensive. "What if there was a way to make money quicker?"

That's what many people do to stay afloat. Working 2, even 3 jobs to provide for their bills and families. It takes time to save up enough money for a rainy day, let alone a rainy year.

To all those people working multiple jobs and numerous hours, I respect you so heavily. For some people that is a very important reason for them to live. They work and work all day with barely enough of a break to let them exhale for 2 seconds. Then, they are still expected to live a normal happy life, great social skills and many loyal friends to be around. When do they have the time?

The picture I'm painting is how people who feel this way live their life like nothing's wrong. When you ask them a question they smile or simply just say, "I'm fine." When you really get to know them you'll know signs when someone isn't telling the truth.

But how will I know if they don't say anything? If you know that person or took the time to know, then you'd pick up on their behavior. I've always admired a person that can do that. Sometimes, it's better to go to them to check if they're alright. They might push back but if you love them, they'll let you in. People need other people to talk to. We weren't born into this world alone. We shouldn't be alone now.

Quick little PSA, talk to someone if life is too overwhelming or stressful. To keep going in that state is certain destruction. Find a person you can trust to let your emotions resolve and to get you in the right position to continue. Friends and family may come and may go, but you only have one mind. Use it to protect it from any or any further harm.

You're important. Things are gonna change.

My fellow broke (and poor) people, there is another side for us. Some place that is better then our circumstances. No, it is not heaven (yet), but it is a greater future and the reason why we keep going. For all the people who doubted us, and for all those who won the race early, we strive for better. Better than the ones who told us we didn't know how.

We're still here.

Thirteen-year old you would be staring at you with tears, happy that you made it this far.

Whew, that got a little deep there didn't it? Well, I won't apologize, it's true. You are important, so get used to it.

Stop your groaning about work in the morning or school at 8. It's time to prove your past self wrong and your future self (hopefully) right.

Much love from Staci and all of UK...

U-Kitti...my brand. The one where you- nevermind.

Stay great!😊

Liars, Smilers and Filers

Have you ever had the feeling that you were on a TV show? Like Inpractical Jokers, What Would You Do or Candid Camera? It's a feeling that we all have when we don't truly understand the situations we are put in.

I was coming home from work one day. I realized, there are a lot of people in this world that are not like me. People who take pride in seeing their opposition fall like dominoes stacked up on a table. Those who think they get Brownie Points just by saying, "SHE DID IT! BURN HER AT THE STAKE!" Or just those who prefer you do the task with little to no emotion, just to get by.

I, on the other hand, knew who I was and am meant to be. However, life got to me. How was I going to become unequivocally me without failure?

I tried everything. From going to school feeling like a pretty princess, to going in with my hoodie, hunched over as to not be seen by many.

But what took me so long in finding myself is a question half answered in a rolodex of senarios. Why didn't I beat that bully up for writing terrible things about me on the bathroom wall? Why didn't I stick up for myself at camp that day? Why didn't I become the villain everything and everyone saught to (figuratively and literally) beat out of me?
The question still stands in my mind as I tried to pick from all of the thoughts that I had every night as I stared up at my ceiling. Was I a pushover, people pleaser, or a straight up masochist?

"Stacia WTF are you talking about?"

I'm addressing my elephant in the room that's been invisible cloaked Harry Potter style: my sense of identity.
Who are you trying to be? What are you trying to prove? And, more importantly, who are you trying to prove it to?

The answer for some may be a parent, an entrepreneur, a doctor or nurse, a best friend. Or, more realistically, not a failure to whoever we try to show ourselves to. We fall, we get back up again, we try something new or the same, we fall some more. And, if you're lucky or blessed enough, you see the success grow.

What I can't understand is people who are so successful go into their million dollar mansion (or wherever successful people go, I wouldn't know) and STILL consider themselves a failure!
Like, buddy, we seeing the same shit, right?

So many people seek to please a job, a family member, or a lifestyle. But, what I always sought out to, please correct me if this sounds very Yoda of me, myself. I stop to wonder where I'd be if I didn't shell out thousands of dollars in retail therapy so I can have something to show for my impulsive sperts. To give you or anyone the explanation of why this hasn't taken off is going back to the tear stained, bloody, markered up drawing board that got me here. Who wants to know about me? Hell, who even cares?

Making me not seem like Eeyore, I do find joy in the things I do everyday. My work, my leisure time, my friendships, and my loving relationship. I enjoy making people smile, even if it's just to laugh at me. Unfortunately, I not only have the people that laugh with me, but laugh at me for just merely existing.

A laugh comes from my roommate to find the state of my room not up to par. "It clearly needs to be cleaned," she said with a wide-eyed smirk, obviously knowing why it's that way. We grow as individuals and while a room can fit two, it doesn't always have to.

She knows that, we know that.

One day I sit on the bathroom floor of my job, wondering when my stomach would stop being an asshole and let me work. I retch. I took a deep breath and wipe my eyes as I go to collect my things.

All of a sudden, the devil rears it's head at me into an upward smile as she pours some coffee.

Not endearing, I know, but I'm too sick to care.

The uber comes in what seemed like ages, so I step inside. The combination of my stomach churning in a digestive rage and my embarassment of causing a scene cause me to conduct an orchestra of sobs as I clutch my stomach.

I thought of that smug smile my so called opposition instantly had to see me in pain. I thought of how I would've reacted if the roles were reversed. Would I have laughed in some one's face, friend or foe, while they were obviously in distress? No, I said to myself as I prayed for God to forgive her apparent ignorance.

"Miss, are you alright?" My driver says to me, obviously concerned about my crying and covered over mouth. I go to say yes as my automatic answer, but my body shook my head no as I bowed my head embarrassed. "Here." He hands me a huge unopened water bottle. "For the customer." he says as he hands it to me. I say thank you to the kind man, cracking open the bottle and drinking what I could stomach. I then proceed to close my eyes, seeing the demon who showed itself in full color on a day I was most vulnerable.

What is it that makes me her enemy? Is it because we have different tastes in... being miserable? Or is it because jealousy shines through a grey, dull slab exterior of obvious insecurity?

Who knows, I just work here.

What really gets me going is consequences. I know, crazy right? What would I be if not a muse for such corporal punishment practices? Examples are made of those who put themselves out there for all to see. Those who dare challenge a flawed system. Who are we without injustice? In other words, no, it is not time for teletubies, your alarm clock is going off, GET TO WORK! Oh, you don't like that? Quit! Be homeless! Have no kids to feed!

We're always faced with that reality the moment we clock in to that 9 to 5 (me, singing Dolly Parton in my head) What we really need is a break. A break from the rules society seems to keep on the hush but expect you to know, like chewing loud in public should be illegal (no, it really should, ew) or, being loud, reckless, and ghetto causes us to lose pertinent opportunities we never had in the first place.

I mean, look at us! Do they really think we matter in the grand scheme of things? We're beads on an abacus when times are rough. Always on the bottom, always the dark ones.
Getting out of politics( for now) Don't y'all just hate liars?

Like, boo, we get it. You want a common scape goat and I put on the costume everytime I do my makeup, hair, and outfits different that the rest. I look like a flashing "HIT ME" sign. A target. A deer. It's getting old having to explain myself to a group of pawns on a chessboard as a queen. I get it, I have an ass. Yes, you can see it through my work pants. No, I won't cover it because you think im inappropriately dressed for work. Karen is LITERALLY WEARING MY OUTFIT IN A SIZE 3! But I'm the one in the office! Okay. My lawyer (husband, not a lawyer) is on standby.

Standing up for yourself shouldn't be an outrovert's job. You have rights. You have a right to be here. No one remembers you unless you make your mark. Good or bad, you choose. Why I do for people shouldn't be printed on a bold letter face scroll for all to read.

I live by my own code: Treat everyone with the respect you give on a first impression, whatever else is a bonus and a privilege depending on our interaction.
The respect you give to me is sincerely rewarded. I don't tolerate disrespect, I actually have an allergy. My skin itches, my face gets hot, and I vomit words that look and feel like venom. What I say or do next is a mystery to even I. What matters to me is how I control it.

See, a caged animal can only be poked with a stick so many times until they chew out the bar and spew the words of wisdom your mama forgot to anvil drop on your head as a kid.

Being the butt of everyone's jokes does cause the attention to be on you, even if what you say or do isn't offensive. It gives people the self-appointed right to give you hell for just existing. When we stop to think about all the people in our lives that say, "You can't do that" or "It isn't allowed" just because it hasn't been done before.

Yes, I'm always late to the party. Yes, I talk your ear off when I have something interesting to say. That's how my brain works!

But no one seems to think that's normal. That's what I always tried to do: be normal.

But I'm NOT normal! I'm a silly little goober that likes to play dress up in her closet while painting her face like an animal!

I will never change who I truly am no matter what people say my personality does to the vibe of the crowd. Like it, love it, or leave it, I'll always be me.

And you should too, period!

Stay great!😊💗✨️

-Stacia

Thank you guys SOOOO much for reading! Check out my website for more info! If you haven't already, Like, Comment and Subscribe to all my socials! Tiktok: @Stacsshenanigans Insta: @Stactheartist Youtube: @Ukittiproductions

Toxic Friendships

Hey Y'all! I know I've talked about relationships in the past and how toxic some of them. Today I'm going to be talking about toxic friendships. Now, I've had my share of toxic friendships. I know, I say that a lot but unfortunately, it is a reality unlike any other. I believe that I am a kind (and sometimes nice)woman. I talk to people. I interact and try to make people feel good, regardless of what may be happening in their lives. I like to treat people how they treat me regardless.That is not been the reality that I have been living.

Flashback to about 6 years. I have just gotten out of high school. I no longer live with my parents and I have a roommate. Let's call her Beatrice. Beatrice was a friend of mine from high school and we used to get along great. We will go places together. We will talk about different relationships and hard things that we've had in our lives. Her parents even let me stay which I thought was very, very cool. Now fast forward about a year later. I have already had about five arguments Which led us do not talk for months. But all in all, we just seem to come back together like fleas on rats.

Looking back at things, I don't have any animosity towards her. In fact, I am quite upset that things had to happen the way that they did. But I will always remember the good things as well as the bad. That way I never make the same mistakes again. Throughout those next years would be a series of friendships. They would seem as though they care about me when in actuality, they really didn't give a f*ck what I was saying. Don't get me wrong, I have been a bad friend to a couple of people within my life and for those people, I am sincerely sorry. But to the people that intentionally screwed me over and didn't even think twice about it, I'm not the one that you need to ask for forgiveness from.

So, to start off this topic: What makes a toxic friend? Is it the way that they talk? Is it the way that they act? Is it the things that they do voluntarily or involuntarily? If you're like me, we can honestly say all of the above.

Toxic friends come in all shapes and sizes. There's the friendly one: the one that knows every single person but doesn't realize that you are their friend or best friend. There's little miss or mister passive aggressive: This person will tell you everything about yourself, but play it off as if it's not an insult (no offence). Then, my personal favorite is the "nice/kind" one. The one that helps you out and need. The one that is there for you regardless of what happens. But when s*** hits the fan, they want to bring up everything that they did for you and how much you owe them.

That's not a good way to handle a situation in any relationship. I'm not saying that people don't change, but you'll see the people who actually try. Those people we gotta give props to because at least they're self aware. What's interesting is that people will swear that they are the best friend you've ever had, then ghost you when they either get offended or try not to be confrontational.

Whether you have a friend like that or you are the friend, we can all learn something from everybody. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself and others. Tell the person that what they said was not "funny" to you or that an insult thrown in an argument or just a shouting match really struck a nerve in you. Don't hold it in unless the situation ABSOLUTELY calls for it. If you think or know the person is aggressive or quick to get angry or deny, don't try to talk them into it. Protect your peace. They will figure out in their own time how you felt and the words that you said to them(If they want to).

It is hard to forgive, but when I say I'm not the one you should apologize to, I mean I have already or are in the process of forgiving you. What you did to me that was malicious and hurt me physically, emotionally, mentally, etc, God will have to forgive you for doing so.

With that being said, don't let anyone push you around. You are worth more than their words and actions. YOU ARE VALUABLE! And if you don't think so, remember Stacs is on the other side of where you are with flowers and hugs. Much love to you all and see y'all next week!

Stay great🤩💗😇

Truth or Tax? (late upload)

Now, we all know that I am a page that talks about adulting and the fun and exciting things that go along with it. So you know what that means? Let's talk about taxes!

Oh, stop your moaning.

See, I the I am the type of person that will say that they're going to get everything done in one sitting. But then when the time comes, I am sitting in front of a computer, sweating through my eyes thinking about how much time I have left to submit a something that could potentially have scary, big men in black suits knocking at my door, ready to lock me up.

Now I know that's the worst case scenario, but it still plays in the back of my mind. Every time I have to put in little numbers that determine whether or not I get the right amount of my money back, I kinda panic. Wait... refund $90,000?!

We all know that the due date that has been pushed down our necks for the past several weeks, April 14. But I guess there are some people out there that still haven't filed. No, I'm no expert or anything, but I think you're f**ked.

(just joking, calm down)

Whenever I think about a due date for something, most likely I will brush it off until the last possible minute to get it done before 12 am. Yes, I have been late on my due date's multiple times. Whether it's just sheer laziness or the fact that my brain automatically says I have time. There's a whole lot of us that see this process as a whole lot of scary, big numbers that we don't understand. Me included.

Unfortunately, we gotta do what we gotta do.

And with that being said, I hope that one day this does not come back and bite me in the ass. I'll probably be on some front page of a newspaper for so-called tax evasion when in actuality, I just messed up the numbers 'cause I am just that smooth brained. What bothers me about taxes is they take them out when we need the money the most Then, if you filed it wrong,(God forbid $1 off), they take like half of your refund. Like I barely have anything anyways. What do you want, my first born child?

DON'T ANSWER THAT😥

Still, what are you gonna do, fight them on it?

Babes, they have receipts. Even if we don't get it, they'll hit us with the "Not my problem, dumbass", then the bill.

All jokes aside, how do you usually file your taxes? See, I used a free tax engine 2 years in a row. I had no problems, yet. (hopefully not ever)

Comment on our insta, tiktok or Facebook what crazy encounters you've had with your taxes or refunds. We'd love to hear from you!

Relationships: The Prequel

The age-old question that everyone always keeps asking is: What makes a relationship work? Is it communication? Is it compatibility? Is it wanting the other person to understand how you feel and think?

All of these things can be true. However, how are we supposed to know when we first start dating a person? Is that person right for us? Do they match our vibe? Are they cool peoples?

In today's world, it's hard to be able to talk to people and find someone to talk to. Introverts rule the nation.

That's why so many social media apps are on fire right now.

See, it's easy to be able to open up an app and find someone with this swipe of your finger. Is it convenient? Sure. Is it practical sometimes,? Maybe.

I don't know about you, but me as a woman out in the wild, I get a lot of people staring at me. Rather than coming up to talk to me, they gawk and make me feel uncomfortable. Like come on, say something! Don't you stare at me like a total creep and expect me to wanna come up to you and talk.

I know women can be intimidating, however, most of us just want someone to treat us like human beings. Not ogres that just came out of their swamp.

This also poses the question: Should men approach women or should women approach men?

Now I get it, we're in the 21st century and men don't necessarily have to do what they did about 60-70 years ago. Us women have made it clear that we don't need men to be able to function in our daily lives. I mean, they are nice, but we are intelligent humans that can handle our own shit.

I want my man because he gives me that kind of love that goes beyond just loving myself. I feel it's important to at least have some self-awareness and self-respect before you get into a relationship. Otherwise you're going to start projecting your insecurities on your significant other. And frankly, that's scary.

We all have our days where we don't feel as confident as we once did. But if this is your personality 24/7, it's going to be hard for you to keep a relationship going. Personally, I say bring back non-creepy flirting in public areas that are or can be reciprocated.

Oh, and guys, if a woman says "No thank you." or just "No", TAKE IT AND LEAVE IT. She(or he) doesn't owe you anything!

Now with that being said, I have TONS of dating tips just by experiencing things and or watching from a far. I'm not going to give them where they're not wanted, but more on that later.

In short, men and women don't have to be robots on a screen to bond.

Go outside, get some fresh air. Mingle.

Disclaimer: this doesn't apply to long distance relationships. I'm talking you're a block away talking only via facetime.

We are not meant to depend on a phone, tablet or computer to be the only determining factor of your love life.

But Stacia, didn't you meet your fiancée on Tinder?"

Eeehhh, WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!

No, but really. I realize that i wouldn't probably have met my soon-to-be husband if i didn't swipe right. And I'm glad i did. He's the light of my life (even if he's a pain in the butt sometimes). And that's okay. He's introverted and it doesn't matter to me. I just wish he could go out on a drive with me and talk rather than be on his devices. That's why I wish I met him outside of "The app".

It's funny how life plays out, and you're entitled to your own story/fairytale. Don't let my opinion sway you differently to not wanna meet new people. Just go outside your room that smells like pizza and despair and talk to someone new.

Lemme know what you think on Instagram!

Thank you guys so much for reading, be sure to check out my instagram, facebook and Tiktok @adultingwithstacs with updates on blog posts, polls, opinions, community comments, and more! Stay tuned and stay great everyone!🤩🥰

Scope out your Cope

Biting your nails, scratching your scalp, picking your scabs. These are harmful ways that people cope with stress. The amount of times that we do it, we don't even realize what or when we're doing it.

I know first-hand because I have a habit of biting my mouth. It's an unconscious habit that I have especially when I'm nervous, frustrated, upset,sad, or just anyway inconvenienced. I know people have told me so many times you should stop doing it. Do I think, ‘It's going to cause you pain later on in life.’ ‘You're only hurting yourself and you're just allowing bad bacteria to get into your open wound.’

No, what I think about is wanting to end the pain that's happening in my mind.

Why do we do it? Is it because it's a level of comfort that we wish to receive? Or is it just a way of inflicting harm on ourselves just to feel something? For us, people who have a history of mental illness, all of these things could be true. And I know its supposed to be relatable. But it's also a serious problem that we are facing.

So many people today are experiencing stress like nothing they've ever experienced before. Especially when it comes to becoming an adult. There are a lot of people who have had stress throughout their life. But just when those thoughts hit, we start to do those things we do to calm the raging feelings of over stimulation.

You've heard the song Bad Habit by Steve Lacy, right? If not, he talks about him biting his tongue,which is a bad habit that he has. I know that's not the point of the song, but I think about how he mentions a habit that he knows is supposed to be a bad one to a girl he likes. Whether it's metaphorical or not, the thought of that reminds me of the many habits I dont even remember i I have or do often.

It doesn't always have to be a physical action. We can maybe lie or stretch the truth to avoid trouble or the feeling of being boring. Maybe some people say a word repeatedly like- the word "like".

We do things involuntarily that other people might see and may or may not choose to say something. But when we get corrected, do we stop? Do we try to look for ways to cope with our stress healthily?

For some, yes. You have the ability to catch up to your behaviors and that is amazing! For alot of people like me, we tend to not even think about it. But it does get better.

I'm reading a book called "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. This book gives advice and strategies on how to be mindful enough to break your bad habits to eventually replace them with better ones. I believe reads like these can help all of us pickers, biters, tappers, and scratchers to finally be free of the shackles of harmful stimulus distraction.

Also, I recommend a fidget cube for those who need the constant feel of tapping or clicking but not actually stealing the office pens for it (I know you have a stash at home... give 'em back)

We all have our habits and quirks, but we need to try and keep them to a safe minimum unless they're constructive and or beneficial. Well, now that that serious part is out of the way, tell me more about your habit realization stories and how you got into some good habits. I would love to hear them!

Thank you guys so much for reading, be sure to check out my instagram, facebook and Tiktok @adultingwithstacs with updates on blog posts, polls, opinions, community comments, and more! Stay tuned and stay great everyone!🤩🥰

Families Matter

It was the 1970s..., my grandparents were about to move into their first and forever home. My dad was born and my uncle and well... I'm just f**king with you. That's not where this story begins.

Families. We all have them whether we choose them or not(unless you didn't have one which that's okay, I hope you find peace and a home within yourself)

It's a hard subject when you're passing around the cranberry sauce and the green beans at the Thanksgiving table. Your dad or mom side eyes you waiting to bring up all your shortcomings since birth. But think of it this way, you're better off just "listening" and try not to hurl mashed potatoes across the room to stop the conversation. We put up with alot of sh*t as children of either strict or just straight traumatic family life. We try to do what's right but it always seems to get thwarted by Sara's perfect credit score and Stewart's perfect track record of charity events.

I've had my fair share of family arguments and fights to know, If you are dealing with a narcissist, just let it go. They don't get it. Walk away and never return to the topic, they just don't get it.

When you deal with people you love or just people you tolerate, you get a lot of emotions trying to tell them your feelings. But I can assure you, if they want to listen (and understand) they would. You don't have to force the topic because they keep nagging you about your job that's "never gonna make you money." Instead, just try to be there for them and keep your distance emotionally and verbally. You have what it takes to make your life YOURS, whether you're an artist like me or a gamer on Twitch. As long as you're secure in what you're doing and you have plans that stretch to the future, near or far, you are Gucci.

To some people, money is not everything. It's the freedom and joy you have knowing this is what your life is now or may be for the rest of your life. Some people want stability. Maybe in having a family, a stable career, or just helping out those in need. That's where the idea of family comes full circle. It doesn't matter what patterns your parent's or guardians gave you throughout your childhood. You have the chance to break them or make them apart of you. I wish to give my kids what I never had. Not just materialistic things, but emotionally.

Compassion, empathy and respect are things that should be a no brainer to us living on this Earth. Caring about how our actions effect others is a skill that can be taught, but can also be implemented at a young age. When I look back, I want to be able to read this and self reflect. Did I do everything that I could do as a parent to help my child develop into a wonderful person? Do I have what it takes to raise a child in this already f**ked up world?

That's what I'm scared of.

Having the world raise my kid instead of me. It shouldnt be how we develop as a working class society. Human decency shouldn't be an option. Sure we can take the Nature vs. Nurture debate to the next level and talk about how influence could be just as strong of an argument to both (What we see is beyond nature)

More on that later.

I'm just saying, whatever they puttin in that social media juice is definitely working on us, especially what I said in my last article.

We have to step up as the future generations of parenting and prove those naysaying Boomers wrong.

If you're already a parent, ask yourself: Am I doing everything I can to not only be the best parent I can be, but the best person I can be to myself?

Self care, love, and respect also matter in how we treat our family members. Insecurities can sometimes put a damper on our moods at family game night when you flip a table and smash the game pieces because you lost the game you said you were the best at.

Or maybe you just got into a fight over which person gets to be the top hat because you're always the top hat.

Either or, check your attitude and your internal feelings at the door. We don't want to hear how we never do anything all day (while clearly doing something) because you had a bad day at work. That's not your child's problem. They're not the b*tch at your job that told the boss you weren't doing your job right.

Let your kids be kids. Give them respect while still teaching them how to do what they're supposed to do without arguing or acting out. Respect is earned, not freely given.

With all that said, we are going to do fiiine, I have absolutely no doubts...at all...😅🥲

Thank you guys so much for reading, be sure to check out my instagram, facebook and Tiktok @adultingwithstacs with updates on blog posts, polls, opinions, community comments, and more! Stay tuned and stay great everyone!🤩🥰

Tik Tok: There Goes The Social Clock

I'm a simple woman. I see a video, I click it. It could either be the best decision i've made or the worst possible mistake. Either or, we still make these decisions on how we let them shape us as a society.

No. I'm not getting into any political bull.

However, I am going to talk about how social media has affected us so greatly that it goes to Congress and the President... The PRESIDENT. The big man in office pushing buttons to either obliterate a country or order a McSandwich.

I know the ban is supposed to be a good thing for Americans, but how are we taking this information?

I love social media as much as the next person, so I'm a little hurt that Tik Tok is banned. The one app I can finally watch funny memes or learn information on a topic I've never heard about.Yes, there are other platforms, but not as eye catching and attention grabbing, in my opinion.

Any entertaining content I can get my hands on, I am glued to my phone like Gorilla.

Don't get me wrong, there are some downsides. Me just aimlessly scrolling through my feed until 4 o'clock in the morning. Me effortlessly buying things that I either think are cool, useful, or look delicious.

Look, I'm a sucker for marketing, DON'T JUDGE ME!

*crunches on asian snacks*

Regardless, did we just get out of hand with our self control on these apps that now the government wants a piece of the American- I mean Chinese pie?

We see products left and right, ads on new and upcoming projects, and lives...so.. so many lives.

*shudder*

To those that make a living with lives, I commend you for getting your buck (get your bag, boo)

However, If I loose my late night scrolling material, I may just be a more miserable person, not gonna lie. I like a good laugh.(and y'all are funny)

But I do see how this ban could be a good thing?

Ow, stop throwing tomatoes.

I am a Gen Z-er. I am not a new Gen Z person. I am early 2000's my-toy-was-a-radio-and-a-cardboard-box baby. I love to listen to new music and pop culture. But what I don't see now are younger people, or children for that matter, appreciating the smaller, finer things in life. Like earthworms after a rainstorm or how it feels to make a restaurant out of sticks, leaves, and mud. I did grow up with some tech, but for the most part, I had to use my imagination.

"Wow, what is that?" You may ask?

It's pretty simple actually. You see something that isn't something you want it to be, so you pretend it is and have fun with it. Like a bed sheet as a king's robe or under a table as a castle. See what's around you and make something new.

I’m of course talking to the kids, but if you adults out there want to make a pillow fort, be my guest(no judgment here)

All I'm saying is a little break from social media doesn't have to hurt everybody. You can take up a new hobbie so maybe aimless scrolling isn't something you look forward to after a long, hard day's work.

I still think the ban is bullsh*t though. -Me, a TikToker

Let me know what you think!

Thank you guys so much for reading, be sure to check out my instagram, facebook and Tiktok @adultingwithstacs with updates on blog posts, polls, opinions, community comments, and more! Stay tuned and stay great everyone!🤩🥰

Hey guys, it’s been a while...

So I know you’ve all been wondering where I’ve been(To my loyal 5 followers out there). I wanted to clear up any misconceptions about this blog. I am not a professional at life, nor am I a life coach. Hell, am I even an adult most days? I mean, if you were ever curious about this blog being written by a 12-year old child, rest assure I am old enough to drink (I can show you my I.D, I’m legal, officer. I swear!)

But no, I am merely human just like you guys, living day to day wondering what the next adventure will be. Is it school? Is it looking for houses I can afford? (In this economy? Ch’eah, right.) But what I’m most excited for is looking back on me writing this blog, journal, whatever you want to call it, and say, “Was I insane thinking this was gonna go anywhere?”

Being knowledgeable in something like this(whatever that means) takes skill and time to cultivate. Like a fine wine that’s been sitting out in the hot sun. You know it’s supposed to age well, but the climate change proves otherwise. You know it’ll probably taste disgusting later on but hey, it’s Chardonnay. Where am I going with this? You see, life doesn’t stay the same. From social media to climate change, the world is always running like Dunkin’.

Do you honestly think frickin’ Charli D’Amilio said one day, “Yeah, me dancing on this app is going to make me millions of dollars in brand deals and make my family as big as the Kardashians?” No. Matter of fact, did you really think the Kardashians knew they were gonna blow up to be memes, fashion icons, the butt of every plastic surgery joke and so on? I- I don’t think so?

As someone said to me, “You can’t really talk about something you’re not really educated in”, You’re right. I’m no psychologist so I can’t talk about childhood trauma. I’m not an expert on fashion, so who am I to give advice on my typical outfit of the day. I am a self-proclaimed professional in art, if you will. But even with a degree, certificate or entrepreneurship in art, I will still refrain from ever calling myself an expert at anything. We all fail at the things we’re experienced in, so I guarantee I wouldn’t even call the most creative and genius of minds experts.

My goal is to not only help and encourage you all, but to hopefully encourage myself as I walk through all of these experiences in my life. I read these blogs too. I see what I’ve done, what I’m currently doing, and ways I can improve. That’s the best way to learn from your mistakes and your triumphs. Learning to be humble enough to say, ‘I don’t know all the answers. But I’m willing to learn’.

I know I may be goofy(and sometimes cringy)but hey, at least you read this far. So, no. I’m not looking to do this just for fame or for money or even to sell you my latest t-shirts which is on my merch link on Spring.

I just want to speak to the people who have trouble writing all of their thoughts down and think of every possible topic when dazed out at work or school. It’s a struggle just to get through the week with the amount of energy we have left from our days off. I get it.

So, whether these entries reach everyone that want or need to hear what I have to say, I’ll always be able to read and write on any topic I find interesting, funny, or just relatable.

Either way, I write because I can. No end goal here. Just here for sh*ts and giggles.

Thank you guys so much for reading, be sure to check out my instagram, facebook and Tiktok @adultingwithstacs with updates on blog posts, polls, opinions, community comments, and more! Stay tuned and stay great everyone!🤩🥰

The Ships Have Sailed (relationships that can’t stay)

Land ho! The ships have arrived! We can’t wait to see them… Until it gets too close to the dock it crashes and burns. What do we get out of having so many different relationships? Comfort and stability? Love and compassion? Do our relationships bring a sort of fulfillment in our lives? Without them, we wouldn’t feel loved or appreciated by others we tend to care about.

I love relationships, don’t get me wrong. I love my family, my fiancée, my best friends, and other people I’m aquainted with. But sometimes, I let people into the most intimate part of me that makes me feel vulnerable. People can choose to respect it and treat me the way I would like to be treated. But honestly, no one owes me anything. I can’t expect everyone to treat me with respect because I let people in that don’t ask to be. I need to choose wisely who I let in.

If not, that’s how toxic relationships form. We give them our time, our love, our pain, and we trust them to keep it protected. But in turn, they cause you more hurt, more heartache and more insecurity.

I don’t blame you for allowing people to see the best of you. I wish everyone saw us for who we are and respected us.

Thank you guys so much for reading, be sure to check out my instagram, facebook and Tiktok @adultingwithstacs with updates on blog posts, polls, opinions, community comments, and more! Stay tuned and stay great everyone!

First Post of the Year

What excites you most about a New Year? You finally getting the car you always wanted? Working out and eating better to become the better you? Or maybe cuddling up next to the people you love for a final celebration to top off the year? These are all assumptions I would have to start a year of new opportunities, not curled up with a snot rag up your nose because you contracted one of the world’s most annoying and persistent household illnesses. Ah, yes. The good old Corona chick is here.

It’s probably clear how I feel about her, especially around this time of year. I have tried EVERYTHING to not get sick again (especially not with this b*tch). Is it just me but when we try to prevent something, it ends up happening any damn way, maybe even worse? Well, I live that every day and still I am a sucker to making no change at all.

Being sick as an adult is not as fun as it was when we were kids. Staying home, watching cartoons, drinking alphabet soup in bed while your parent(s) give you everything you want and need all day. We still have to go to work to pay them bills, take care of the family, and more!

So, starting a New Year sick is not on the list of anyone’s New Year’s Resolution, let alone mine.

Anyways, back to the thought of a New Year! Exciting right? High hopes to see everyone around you finally take you seriously as you tell them, “This year, I’m finally gonna work on myself!” Well, what are we going to do to change? I know, this is kinda starting to sound like an intervention, but I urge you, please self-reflect.

What you think now knowing what you know from the year prior, do you gotta “figure some sh*t out"?

This is mostly just a self reflection for myself because I am sick and tired of just saying, “Uh, hey Stacs, could you uh, maybe…takebettercareofyourselfsoyoudon’tdieearly?”

“Thank youuu.”

I decided since I created this website and blog, I was going to better myself all around the board, even in my stubborn, procrastinatin’, eating junk food, no water drinking era.

No, we may not all be the same, maybe you have it together and started last year on a better me journey and you’re doing fine now. I honestly lovvve that for you! (No, seriously)

But to be real, that was not me 10,5,2, even a year ago.

So what’s the formula? Why am I sucking at every progressive goal I set? That question can be answered based on what you want to improve and who you are as a planner. Are you a goal setter who just wants to get to it? Are you a planner that might not always have the time and dates aligned with reality? Or are you like me where the thought of having to write everything down in a book before you have to do it scares you?

Writing this is scary enough for me to think about doing all the time, but I want to commit to it because I want to reach out to you cool, lovely people. So why not add this into my new year’s resolution as something that will not only give me a place to vent- I mean talk about the most common thoughts and problems in life, but to hopefully entertain you all.

Planning?

Starting with the planning. I am aware that some things on the list may be a little too far into the future. Unless you have, like close to $1,000,000 saved up as a single person working a normal 9-5 job, you are not going to be able to get that house you wanted for two years now (yet). You gotta think a bit smaller. What can I get done within the day? Laundry, cleaning, cooking dinner, walking the dog, anything that would make you say, “I did it” after you’re finished. Then once you get the hang of turning your daily chores into something manageable, start planning the bigger things like payments, bills, loans, monthly expenses, etcetera. As long as you understand where to place events on your schedule.

Use the apps on your phone and devices to write down notes, set alarms, write dates in the calendar, anything that will make planning a breeze for you.

All in all, take it one step at a time, love. It’s better that way.

Get Ready…

Think of the goal you have as why do I want to do something? what is the deadline? If not, do I want to make a deadline to meet the goal? Remember, deadlines aren’t just for you to panic about, they’re also something that gives you an ultimatum. You want to get out of your parents house and live on your own. Boom, that’s something you’re passionate about doing. The what should always be in the front and back of your mind when you’re doing something.

When I think about getting ready for something, I think about that person at the start line of the race doing their arm and leg stretches then get close to the ground with their hiney in the air about to dart to the finish line. They don’t think about, “Wait, did I wear the right shoes today” or “Wait, did I wear my lucky underwear today?”

Nope… well, I don’t know about that last one. But they’re just looking down that track, pacing themselves so they don’t burn out and still win the race.

That’s the importance of getting ready. Making sure that you can be prepared for that finish line moment.

Procrastination is a biotch, and believe me, I should know (I finish essays and submit them at 11:59 exactly, more than once)

Getting past that hurdle of “eh, I don’t wanna right now” is the first level of progress. I know it’s hard, but rewarding.

Don’t think about it, just GO!

It’s a habit that I have and maybe you have too that we tend to overthink things before we do it. As the wise Shia Labouff said," “Just DO IT!”

Seems simple enough, right? Not for me at first.

See, I tend to think about all the things that could go wrong before I even start. But I realize, that’s one of the things hindering my progress (that and my love for cookies and cake).

The more we think about how much we cant do something, we psych ourselves into failing our goal.

I believe it’s better to live life rather than just waking up every day to just exist. That’s no life I wanna live (and I doubt you do either)

The main reason we don’t feel motivated to do something is a level of comfort we feel in our non changing situation. It may not be comfortable, but we have accepted that it is our normal way of living, so we become complacent.

I know, harsh word for a blog about just achieving better. But I had to hear it one too many times to hear it any more times after this. It’s a word that clearly explains the actions we may do daily without even realizing it.

We tend to forget why we do things in the first place and just do them because we’ve been doing them for so long without thinking. Do you think about how to brush your teeth everyday or how to dress yourself to go out? No. Those are automatically wired in our brain since they were taught to us. We feel comfortable doing these things because we tell our selves it’s good for us.

But maybe we are too comfortable in just existing.

Wow, that was pretty deep.

I would say it’s a pretty big crisis today all around the world. We don’t desire change unless our circumstances are so uncomfortable, it’s unbearable. Why does it have to get that bad?

As Psychology today puts it, “The Comfort Crisis is all about pushing yourself to reach your full potential, to become the person you want to be. Setting goals and challenges for yourself is a form of traction, an action that moves us toward what we want.(1)

Couldn’t’ve said it better myself.

Honestly guys, I’m tired of older generations telling us we’re lazy and can’t do things for ourselves. We grew up with discipline from our parents just the same (well, almost all of us) It’s not about when you’re born that makes you more responsible of your own decisions. We’ve all had our moments.

What’s the outcome?

In all honesty, hon, that’s up to you. We all want the results of our favorite celebrity or famous social media star/ influencer. But thinking realistically may be what saves us the heartaches of expecting too much too quickly. Some results may take time to acheive, but some just don’t come out exactly the same and that’s okay! Being yourself and making any routine or result your own is what should make you satisfied in your journey and progress.

Enjoy the journey, expect the hardships, prepare for failure, and most importantly, try again.

I’m only human, and if you see me in the street and say, “Hey, didn’t you tell me to do better in my life and you look like sh*t?”, Just remember that I am no saint, no God or angel, but I will tell it like it is. We all struggle, the best we can do is help each other on our journey to success.

There's no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.

-Zaid K. Abdelnour (Economic Warfare: Secrets of Wealth Creation in the Age of Welfare Politics)(2)

Thank you guys so much for reading, be sure to check out my instagram, facebook and Tiktok @adultingwithstacs with updates on blog posts, polls, opinions, community comments, and more! Stay tuned and stay great everyone!

Sources: 1. Eyal, N. (n.d.). Get comfortable with being uncomfortable | psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/automatic-you/202209/get-comfortable-being-uncomfortable

2. Abdelnour, Z. K. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/1012085-there-s-no-need-to-be-perfect-to-inspire-others-let